synonymsforjane

It’s a typical catchphrase in Singapore.

Also used to say “I felt expected to know something but didn’t.”

Since coming back to Singapore, I’ve been hearing this in the conversations I observe.

A private car driver: “I thought you were telling me you’re not my passenger. How I know?”

A wife to her husband: “Karen said my work performance is not good because I’ve been opting to wfh instead of go to office. How I know my performance would be graded that way? It’s in the work policy that I can make requests and no one ever said anything”.

A friend to another: “Why didn’t you buy burger for me?” His friend in reply “How I know?!”

……….

The perils of surviving in a city like Singapore is that we walk around making assumptions all the time. I wonder what would happen if we all believed we were safe instead?

That we aren’t doing anything wrong.

The “How I know” usually comes from a place of feeling maligned, feeling like we’ve made a mistake and feel judged or punished for it. Although this seems small, it does represent the overall high-strung quality of our society.

We have so many laws.

So many rules. 

Within the workplace, many unwritten norms and unspoken taboos.

Many people wielding swords, wanting blood for their own wounds.

Many other people walking around with shields, constantly on high alert that they need to protect themselves.

We are a society that normalises insomnia and anxiety. And I was one of them.

It’s not normal……for so many people to have so many coping mechanisms. And this is not just in Singapore.

I wonder, if and how, people can start feeling more safe. When we can start forming a village mentality more. Of compassion. Of tolerance. Of forgiveness. Of love. It’s hard isn’t it?

“Don’t be altruistic, it won’t last. Let’s see you try to be forgiving every day.”

We pick up triggers everyday and life happens so fast it’s sometimes difficult to even process our emotions. We move and move and move and one day we wake up and forget where the anger and frustration in us came from.

I wonder. And I hope. Someday we smile and laugh more. Someday we hug and genuinely accept each other more.

It’s okay not to know.

It’s okay to have decided something in the moment based on the given information at the time.

It’s okay to even make a miscalculation or a mistake.

It’s okay, because the right people won’t even hold things against us.

Someday, we all feel more equipped to go from “How I know” to “I didn’t know” and be completely okay with that.