synonymsforjane

I came on to switch my blog back to public after a hiatus and then I find out that it’s been hacked and made public since august. Reminder to switch on 2FA for anyone who hasn’t.

How are you?

I don’t know…where you come from. How you found the blog. And why you’re reading this. But hello anyway.

I supposed you’d like to know what I’ve been up to. But frankly, i wouldn’t know because any idea i have of you would be a projection of my own thoughts. So I guess i would write as if i were writing to a friend.

I’ve been studying alot. Spiritually starved at the beginning of this year, so i poured myself into books. Mooji, Matt Kahn, Ainslie, etc. I’ve been devouring books because my soul felt hungry for knowledge, for recognition….a longing to respond to familiar concepts and words.

Ever since the big awakening, I’ve purged so much of what doesn’t help. And i’ve met with my Ego, time and time again – not to get rid of her, because we can never, that’s one of the characteristics of being Human, but just to reason with her. To let her integrate into my being now.

I’ve been adjusting to my new idealogy of “more being, less doing”. It’s partly also because my body feels so uncomfortable. It’s been adjusting to the food in Singapore, the high strung environment, people’s energies.

I’ve been so so so grateful. When your boss is the universe and you work as their employee, the staff benefits get pretty good. Life has shown up greatly for us, supporting us in our move to Singapore, and it’s helped us create much needed space, in a corner nicely tucked into sixth avenue so we’re close to the downtown line, yet also minutes away from nature. Being close to the raiway connector has been a lifesaver, and even though nature there hasn’t escaped the “edits” of Singapore’s highly effective governance, we still find solace and comfort in the many birds and animals we come across in our daily/weekly walks there.

The purge….that i experienced in the last few months felt so refreshing. But I can only say that now, because the pain is not like an acidic liquid lining my throat to my stomach anymore. Let’s just say the relationships that were holding me back, are no longer.

For the longest time, I struggled with the necessity of breaking off these friendships I had. If we were all fractals of God consciousness, and if I had nothing but love for them, why did we have to part? Why do I have to have a chance to miss them?

But the entire experience brought me much insights, and although my body is still processing the downloads, I find my peace from the lightness I feel, after the grief slowed down its cries.

I feel right. I feel good. I feel love.

Like Matt Kahn reminds us “there is ALWAYS more love.” And the universe responded with bringing so many amazing, kind, beautiful and wonderful souls into my life. They bring their sensitivity, their hugs, their presence, their ability to hold space, and their fire, that help me relight the one in me, that was once snuffed out due to burn out.

I’ve been doing and doing and doing for so long. Now, I find much peace is just……being.

I want to write again. That i know. I’m so glad that work has been bringing me back to my creativity. Producing content, videos, directing stuff for other companies/brands has made me come so alive. So alert in my way of storytelling. It’s helped me face my fears and insecurities about being creative, about artisting. Everyone is an artist. Everyone creates.

The ‘I am’ journey began quite rudely in my life. But i’m really glad it started. Sometimes I laugh at how my soul chose to bring about this “I am” reckoning into my being. But I shouldn’t be surprised should i? I’ve always had a dark sense of humour.

The Ego is not one to fear, nor to get rid of. And there is nothing egoistic about recognizing non-duality. I’ve been learning more about One consciousness and although the knowledge is there, I also feel now is not the time to say or do more. More being less doing, Jane – I hear Jinger say.

Who’s Jinger? That’s what I’m trying to write a book about. I don’t find myself wanting to write what I wrote about before. After all, I can’t really remember what the Jane in 2019 cared about anymore. I could, but the memories seem fuzzy and I don’t feel like I can write authentically as someone living in that reality anymore. If I tried, I would be forcing myself because I don’t feel those emotions anymore. I’ve worked so hard to forgive and move on, that I really have. And although I wouldn’t call her the “old Jane”, I don’t know how else to say I don’t feel like that person anymore.

It’s like trying to remember who I was when I was 8. What did I care about at 8? What mattered to me at 8?

So instead, I wanna write about the present moment. I wanna write about Jinger. How, who, what, where, why.

Oh and Human design has been great. But another story for another time.

Friend, i just wanted to say, thanks for reading 🙂

Goodnight.